Elvis too trigger happy to be my neighbor
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Billy Graham or Pamela Anderson? Which one would you rather have as a neighbor?Both names came up as answers in a survey about celebrity neighbors. Homes and Land, a real estate media company (whatever that is) surveyed Americans on what celebrity they'd most like living next door.
It's like asking people what color of Ferrari they'd buy if they won the Mega Millions lottery, except the odds are worse. Celebrities don't live in fixer-uppers and they don't live next to people like me. But I suppose the survey tells us something about who we are.
And in most cases, it seems we want these people's money, success or good looks across the driveway.
The number one celebrity neighbor, according to the survey, is Oprah Winfrey. This is a wise choice because Oprah is known for giving things away, like cars. Most of us could stand a little neighborly windfall. If not a Lexus, then maybe a new garage door.
I'm not sure about the number 2 pick, however, Elvis. I'm not dissing the King, but what could be the reason for wanting the guy who shoots his TV residing within firing distance? To be fair, this was before remote control, so the king would have had to get up to change the station. Pulling a trigger requires less effort.
Having the Elvis estate next door, though, would boost property values in the neighborhood. And you could make a mint renting parking spaces to women who can't get over "Love Me Tender."
I also don't want the No. 3 celebrity next door. Donald Trump? Really? This guy might try to turn the ranch style next door into a skyscraper or a casino. At the very least, the neighborhood dogs might go nutty chasing his hair.
Paris Hilton tied with Dolly Parton for 7th on the list. With her driving record, Paris would bring an element of danger to the neighborhood streets. But it would be a chance to see one of those purse dogs. I've yet to see one in Galesburg.
According to the survey, men in their 50s preferred Ernest Hemingway and Sylvester Stalone. Rocky and Papa; that's an odd pairing.
Matthew McConaughey and Dr. Phil ranked high with 40-year-old women. I guess one would be used for dreaming and the other to make sense of those dreams.
Some 90-year-old guy picked Anne Heche. She's the actress who in 2000 was found on a stranger's doorstep claiming to be Celestia, the daughter of God. More exciting than bingo, I guess. I didn't know God had a daughter, but I suppose it makes sense that she'd star opposite Harrison Ford in a romantic comedy.
Growing up on the farm, I wasn't choosey about neighbors because we seldom had any. For a time I befriended an older neighbor boy who bilked me out of my best baseball cards. Still, it was worth it. Even bad friends were hard to come by. And celebrity neighbors? I'd have done cartwheels for Judge Reinhold.
So what is it about celebrities that appeals to us? And why would we want one next door? Maybe we'd want to see what kind of mower Johnny Depp has, or if Queen Latifah recycles.
But as exciting as it would be to watch Al Pacino stumble out to the porch to get his morning newspaper (of course, he's a newspaper reader), the excitement wouldn't compare to the comfort of having neighbors that you can count on.
Earlier this year, my wife took our newborn son to the emergency room at about 11 p.m. on a weeknight. I stayed at home with our sleeping toddler. By about midnight, my wife realized she would be there awhile and needed our baby's formula. I couldn't leave our sleeping toddler unattended and I didn't want to drag him out into the night.
So I called some neighbors. Within 15 minutes two different neighbors were knocking on my door at midnight ready to help.
Sure, I'd like to watch from across the yard to see if Tom Cruise is really crazy, but I'll keep my neighbors. And maybe one of them will get a purse dog someday.
Tom Martin is the editor of The Register-Mail. Contact him at 343-7181, Ext. 250, or tmartin@register-mail.com.
Top Celebrity Neighbors
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Elvis Presley
3. Donald Trump
4. John Wayne
5. Tiger Woods
6. George Clooney
7. (tie) Paris Hilton, Dolly Parton
8. (tie) John Travolta, Denzel Washington, Clint Eastwood, Bill Gates
9. Pamela Anderson
10. (tie) Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie
Survey provided by Home and Land, a real estate media company that polled its customers.
