Finding a date or a quarterback is rough

Tom Loewy

SPORTS

Friday, September 9, 2005

I'm not talking about the inability to meet people or forge a lasting, meaningful relationship.

I'm talking about those social occasions you just can't attend alone.

Who hasn't had the big wedding of the life-long friend? All your friends remember you as the gregarious, outgoing guy who never had any trouble meeting people. So it is mandatory to show up with a date. You can't let your old buddies find out that your DVD collection is the size of a municipal library.

Of course, there are reunions. Having a date is mandatory at these gatherings because the alone people drink too much and get maudlin. And those people look for other alone people. You don't want to be those people.

New Year's Eve parties bring out the need for a date because the thought of being alone in a crowded room at the stroke of midnight is just too much for some people. You've seen the dateless on this night, standing alone in some corner. Their eyes are always fixed on the countdown on the television screen.

There is something inherently sad and lonely in that image.

Our remedy for these daunting social challenges?

It is the same formula some teams in the National Football League follow when looking for a quarterback.

Panic.

The prospect of going dateless for the big wedding, reunion, New Year's Eve party or any other social function leads us to make a list of old significant others. Then you say a prayer and pick up the phone.

It doesn't matter that you haven't talked to the former significant other for two years. You need a date. You swallow your pride - and after some small talk to determine the significant other isn't married - ask "What are you doing on October 20?"

That's the way Drew Bledsoe became the Dallas Cowboys' starting quarterback. Way back in 1993, Bledsoe was drafted by the New England Patriots and was coach Bill Parcells' No. 1 guy.

Thirteen seasons later, Bledsoe can barely move or throw, but the quarterback and Parcells are back in Dallas together. Does anyone think this is love?

No way. Parcells needs somebody to get him through the mega date called a 16-game season. Bledsoe needed a place to play.

Parcells is no stranger to this kind of relationship. As a matter of fact, Parcells had a desperation date last season. His name was Vinnie Testaverde.

The quarterback position in Cleveland just proves my point. The Browns are set to start the season with Trent Dilfer.

Dilfer is the ultimate desperation date. Back in 2000, he was the back-up QB in Baltimore and led the Ravens to the Super Bowl.

The next season he was in Seattle - and over the course of the next four campaigns he started 12 games for the Seahawks.

No team was more hard-up for a date at quarterback this season than the Miami Dolphins.

The Fins ended up with Gus Frerotte as their starter. Frerotte is in familiar territory. After a career that began as the starter for the Washington Redskins, he did a one-season gig with the Detroit Lions, moved over for two seasons with the Denver Broncos and spent a year in Cincinnati.

In the late-1990s, Cincinnati was one of those places all desperation dates spent some time.

After backing up Daunte Culpepper for the last two seasons, Frerotte moved over to Miami. He's the starter because the Dolphins are the NFL equivalent of my life.

Finding a date - or a quarterback - is rough. The Dolphins made a list of old significant others and Frerotte answered the call.

In the end, the NFL and my own demented and sad social life proved desperation never breeds lasting relationships.

But don't tell that to the guy standing all alone at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.

Contact Tom Loewy at 343-7181, Ext. 256, or tloewy@register-mail.com