Confessions come hard for a Nielsen family
Sunday, February 26, 2006
As it turns out, my wife is susceptible to explosions. She's a sucker for TV bombs.This pattern of behavior would have escaped me had we not become a Nielsen family in February.
Sharon watched a delayed telecast of "All My Children" on SoapNet, a channel that plays back the day's soap operas for those who have other daytime priorities. She watched it at midnight.
"I had to cough it up," she said of logging her viewing. "There was an explosion. Everyone in Pine Valley was involved."
Sharon saw the previews telling of the bomb and had to decide whether the episode would be worth the embarrassment of having to log it down for the Nielsen diary. Clearly, it would be. Specifically, it was the explosion that tilted the scales.
And it was an explosion that prompted her to view "Grey's Anatomy," a show she doesn't normally watch, on Sunday night.
"I hate the lead character, but there was a bomb in somebody's chest," she explained.
My wife kept the Nielsen diary for the week, writing down what we watched for seven days. We were excited about being chosen. What we watched would be computed into the all-important Nielsen ratings to determine what shows are successful.
We could change the world with our viewing habits. As a Nielsen family during sweeps week, we could watch only high brow TV and force it upon the rest of TV land by making it popular.
There were two holes in this plan. My wife is honest and high brow TV is as hard to find as something funny in the 1980s' "Mama's Family."
Therefore, the diary became an affidavit, a confession. The Nielsen diary to a TV watcher is what a bathroom scales is to weight watcher. Until it's in ink on paper, we can manipulate the reality of our TV viewing habits.
And to my knowledge nobody brags about watching lots of TV? For the most part, watching a ton of TV is a conquest better left undeclared. TV is an indulgence. It's what we do when we don't want to do anything.
And because we can do so in the privacy of our homes, we'll watch really bad shows. I mean, would really bad TV even exist if people didn't watch it. I think not.
My weakness these days is for the popular "Desperate Housewives," show. Sharon calls these "my ladies." And I make my ladies a part of my Sunday night routine.
But I had darker TV days. In the mid-1990s, I found myself a bachelor living in rural Carthage tuning into one of the two stations available to watch "Xena: Warrior Princess," perhaps the worst TV show of my lifetime. At the very least, the scream she regularly disgorged before fighting, generally a few thousand warriors and/or a multi-limbed prehistoric beast, accounted for some of the most ghastly moments in TV history. Yet, I tuned in.
And networks continue to throw bad shows at us. For example, in 2005 UPN brought us "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic." To quote TV critic James Poniewozik, the show "was a tedious home movie that made 'Crossroads' look like 'Citizen Kane,' and Nick and Jessica look like the Curies."
I actually did not watch this, but mostly because I didn't know it was on.
There are some shows, however, that at least aren't embarrassing to admit to watching. For guys, any sports short of televised fishing or bowling will pass. And most news are OK, and there's no dishonor in watching anything on the History Channel. This leads to the question of whether a good TV show cancels out a bad one the way that eating a grapefruit justifies a Twinkie.
For instance, can any amount of History Channel viewing wash the "Taradise" out of your mouth? My wife wants to know if the two NewsHour with Jim Lehrer shows she watched erase her midnight misstep with "All My Children."
The real hope for Sharon, though, was that as a Nielson family member she could save fledgling TV shows that deserve to continue.
She's still smarting over the loss of the show 'Undeclared,' a quirky show about college dorm life that Fox canceled in March 2002 after its first season.
This was her opportunity to save a new show she likes called "Love Monkey," a series about four male friends at different stages of life and love told through the eyes of a young record executive. She usually watches the show but missed the episode during the week of our Nielsen diary, a decision she now regrets.
"I feel like I really let 'Love Monkey' down," she said. " 'Desperate Housewives' didn't need us and 'Love Monkey' did."
Clearly, "Love Monkey" needs more explosions.
Tom Martin is editor of The Register-Mail. Contact him at tmartin@register-mail or 343-7181 Ext. 250.
