Maybe my heart needs a 'Makeover', or TV does
Six Degrees From Galesburg
Friday, January 20, 2006
I should probably make a doctor's appointment. There might be something wrong with my ticker as well as my tear ducts.I first noticed the symptoms when my friends started talking about "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."
"Oh my gosh, did you watch it last week?" my friend Suzanne said at a recent get-together. "I was like, bawling. It makes me cry every week."
"I know, isn't it so heartwarming?" Erin said.
I didn't tell them that the only physical sensation I get when I watch the show is an irritated stomach.
"I love it when Ty and the Design Team guys start to cry," Suzanne said. Then she sighed: "I wish my husband were more like Ty."
"But doesn't the crying seem a tad forced, since they cry on every single episode?" I said. "It seems like an hour-long commercial for home-improvement products to me."
"How can you see it that way?" Suzanne said, sounding upset. Then she looked at me skeptically. "Do you even really watch it?"
She had me. I admitted I hadn't watched it in a long time. I usually just catch the teary end - when I'm tuning in for "Desperate Housewives."
After that conversation I decided to give the show another try. Maybe I had been judging it unfairly.
When I tuned in the next Sunday night, it was just as I expected. It started off with a sob story about a family that had fallen on hard luck.
But this time it kind of got to me. The father was 28 - the same age as me - and raising three girls on his own. I thought about trying to raise three kids on my own, and I really felt for the guy.
The family was swept away to a vacation spot while the porcupine-haired Ty and his team enthusiastically destroyed the family's home. A newer and better house, Ty told us before and after each commercial break, would make it a lot easier for the father to raise three girls.
Near the end, Ty stood in front of the house and explained the Design Team's reason for building four windows at the top: one to represent each of the girls and their dad, and one above those to represent the mother watching over her daughters. It was truly touching.
But then a truck with KRAFT spelled in giant letters rolled in front of the camera, and the show cut to a tie-in commercial for Sears.
I don't think I'll tune in again. Because I already know what I'd find if I did: a family's teenage daughter will be diagnosed with a rare and debilitating disease - one that requires her to stay at least 10 feet away from vegetables at all times or her nose hairs fall out. Her little brother loves pizza, so the Makeover team will glue pepperoni slices to his walls. Her older brother, who loves news commentary shows, will get a bed in the shape of Bill O'Reilly's head. And the girl will get a bright pink room, complete with pink satin surgical masks for use in vegetable emergencies.
"Well, whaddya think?" Ty will ask the kids, the rasp factor of his already-scratchy voice going up a notch. "Isn't this so awesome - so awesome that from now on, all your troubles will solved?"
The pizza-lover will look a little frightened. Then an off-camera crew member will pinch him from behind. "I love it," he'll blurt. "Thanks, ABC!"
Alison McGaughey lives in Galesburg and works for Knox College. Contact her at alison.sixdegrees@gmail.com.
